DO YOU SEARCH FOR LOVE OR WILL IT COME TO YOU?

There's this saying that goes "jodoh takkan ke mana" and "kita kena berusaha mencari jodoh" in the Malay culture. To me, I find it contradictory to one another but there is truth to it. Let me explain the contradictory part first and then how it correlates to one another.

In Islam, we believe that Allah has destined who we will end up with, hence explaining the first saying. It doesn't matter who we are with, if it has been written by Allah; therefore, it is meant to be. If, for example, A and B hates each other so much that they will just bicker whenever they see each other in public or even in their dreams—obviously nobody would expect them to be on good terms unless a miracle happens. Both of them thinks that they're not perfect for each other because of their obvious differences in everything and anything. But if Allah has destined that they both are soulmates, well, wherever and whenever they go, they will still end up with each other (although not physically) because that is the beauty of Allah's power. It's something indescribable but really amazing at the same time because He is the Most Amazing Planner of all and He knows what's best for us although we think it's not (the A and B example). And who are we to argue?

However, the second saying means that we have to work for it in order to get it (somehow like that). I think we all can understand what it means because with effort, you will go somewhere and get something. In this phrase—from my understanding, it tells you to not fully rely on Allah to find your soulmate. Don't get me wrong but what I meant is that you can't expect to find your soulmate if you only wait for it while watching TV at home—your soulmate wouldn't even know of your existence lol. You gotta go out, mingle, get to know people and hopefully stumble upon your right one.

Both of these phrases contradict because one tells you to rely on God but the other (sort of) tells you to not fully rely on Allah.

But, how does these two phrases work with each other? Muslims believe in Qada' (things that cannot be changed i.e, death, Qiyamat, soulmates, etc.) and Qadar (things that can be changed i.e, status, level of faith, etc.). Like I've mentioned earlier, if Allah has written what is meant for us, then there are no means for us to change it. However, in order to find the right one, you have to know and get through a lot of people. And sometimes, when you find the right one, it might be at the wrong time or place. So, you have to put some effort—apart from relying solely on Allah to provide what is best for you—in order to meet that person again, hopefully in the right settings. Another example would be C and D. C is in love with D but never really had the guts to say it to D while D is being oblivious to how C feels towards D. If, let's say, God fated these two together, there will come a time for either C or D, or both perhaps, did something (effort—Qadar) that ended up with those two being together because if it's meant to be by God, then surely it will be (Qada'). Maybe not now, maybe later. I don't know. We don't know.

In Islam, we were taught to rely on Allah despite whatever circumstances but we were also taught to put in effort in what we do. Whatever is the outcome, we have to accept it (Redha) because that is what Allah has planned for us. I remember a teacher of mine back in school taught me the four letters we should always remember. It was:

• D (Du'a)
• U ('Usaha' or effort in English)
• I ('Ikhtiar' or endeavour/initiative)—IDK what 'Ikhtiar' really is in English but this is what Mr. Google said
• T ('Terima' or accept)

What D.U.I.T. means is that we have to put in effort and if all fails, search for another initiative to reach our goal (U and I—lol at this!). At the same time, we must also supplicate, pray and always remember Allah while achieving our goals (D). Then, whatever the results are, we must wholeheartedly accept the decision that Allah has agreed upon (T or also known as Redha).

I deeply apologize if my examples aren't clear enough as I am also learning about how this works out. But basically, just stick on to the idea that if it's meant to be, it is meant to be but it will only be if we do something about it. Just like trying to win a competition. Situation A: If you don't put in effort, then it will not be that you will win first place. Situation B: You put in a lot effort but still didn't grab top spot. Both situations are highly relatable to everyone but we can see the difference it makes. In A, you would obviously do so much to reach your goal but in B, maybe you'll try again next time or in another competition. Same goes like 'jodoh'. Situation A is you putting effort if you want it/found the right one. Situation B is more like if things don't work out, maybe that person is not for you or maybe both of you are not ready.

Please correct me if I'm wrong or feel that there needs to be some addition to this. I am open to your opinions and ideas as I also want to grow my faith as a Muslim to my religion. Feel free to drop a comment!

Have a nice day ♥

NOW EXCUSE ME IF I SOUND RUDE

Back then, I always had this aspiration to learn more about Islam. Maybe take up Syariah or learn about the history of Islam. I guess it's because I thought that if I know more about Islam, I would eventually fall in love with it and lead a life just how Allah wants us to do. Just like the Malay saying goes, "tak kenal, maka tak cinta" (to love is to know). Islam itself has so many branches underneath it, even if I had an eternal lifetime to learn all of it, I doubt I would have learned it all. However, the history of Islam is what I am most interested in. I get to learn about what the people did back then in order to fight for their religion. I get to know what our scholars and warriors did to develop not just the religion, but also its believers. I want to know what made us fall so bad 'til it's difficult for us to get back up and be strong like how we were back then (I heard we conquered 1/3 of the world. WOW!). I want to find out how the pioneers of Islam had the motivation to do what they did because it's truly amazing how they could sacrifice themselves for Islam—because I find that hard to do. And if I could and have all the money in the world, I would definitely love love love to travel to countries and cities that has traces of Islam such as Spain, Turkey, Cordoba, Granada, Iran, Saudi Arabia (obvs you can't miss this), and many more.

But I remember how a lot of people gave me odd stares and a lot of people told me that it will never work because of how I am—not that pious, of course. They told me to fix myself first, then go chase after that dream. They said that it was impossible for me to embrace what I learn if I don't change. But the thing is, the fact that I wanted to learn more about my religion showed that there is a want in me to change, but most probably not in a route that people usually take. What they had said to me really discouraged me from pursuing my dream. It deterred me from wanting to know more. It doused the passion in me to fall in love with my religion. Because of that, I forget my desire to learn and look where I am now. I believe that I am nowhere close to God nor would I get to smell the beautiful scent of Jannah. Islam is beautiful but unfortunately, some of its people are not painting it in a good color.

A lot of things went through my mind. I question why did they do that to me back then? Why did you not believe that I could change? Why did you told me to quit dreaming? Was having a dream to learn about Islam, although the way I appear is not similar to what you think a Muslimah should be, is wrong? What was it about my dream that was so different than who I am? Was it really peculiar that just because I don't look pious, it means that I am forbidden to learn about my religion?

I didn't like how my own peers discouraged me. It wasn't even productive anyway. I understood that one of the ways for us to perform jihad is by learning and gaining knowledge and I believed—note, it is no longer a big passion or desire—that with my dream, I'll gain a whole new set of understanding and experience and perhaps, get a more solid grasp on Islam itself. Despite the fact that I am not having the same aspiration that I used to have before, I'm still trying to change but it's a bit harder because I don't have that number one drive that makes me want to not take my time. I am really, really taking my time and I swear trying to change the way I dress is hard (especially when clothes nowadays are mostly transparent, tight and/or cropped). But I'll soldier on and learn to dress modestly—what I meant by modest is wear more clothes that doesn't show my body shape i.e, loose clothes. I'm doing it step by step, I'm just uncertain of how long this thing would take for me to change, accept and embrace.

I urge people out there to not stop people from dreaming or from pursuing something just because their appearance and character do not resemble exactly like their dream. Humans have different motivations and different reasons. They have distinctive behaviors and characteristics. Just because they don't fit into your view of what a matter should be, does not mean they should be completely shut out from it. In fact, why stop them if their dream is for something better? Be supportive and don't be hostile to them. You can never know if your words can completely kill someone's dream (and that's bad on so many levels!). So, take a lesson to what had happened to me. It's such a shame that I no longer have a profound interest in the history of Islam. It's such a waste of time telling someone that they can't do something just because you cannot measure their ability in doing it (what am I saying?). Really, just be supportive and never say "NO!" to anyone's dream—unless it's a bad dream that is against moral values and religion or whatever that makes it a bad one, then please stop them from pursuing it.

Hopefully, you'll get my point and understand what I am trying to share, Remember, spread positivity and kill negativity.

Have a nice day☺