There's this saying that goes "jodoh takkan ke mana" and "kita kena berusaha mencari jodoh" in the Malay culture. To me, I find it contradictory to one another but there is truth to it. Let me explain the contradictory part first and then how it correlates to one another.
In Islam, we believe that Allah has destined who we will end up with, hence explaining the first saying. It doesn't matter who we are with, if it has been written by Allah; therefore, it is meant to be. If, for example, A and B hates each other so much that they will just bicker whenever they see each other in public or even in their dreams—obviously nobody would expect them to be on good terms unless a miracle happens. Both of them thinks that they're not perfect for each other because of their obvious differences in everything and anything. But if Allah has destined that they both are soulmates, well, wherever and whenever they go, they will still end up with each other (although not physically) because that is the beauty of Allah's power. It's something indescribable but really amazing at the same time because He is the Most Amazing Planner of all and He knows what's best for us although we think it's not (the A and B example). And who are we to argue?
However, the second saying means that we have to work for it in order to get it (somehow like that). I think we all can understand what it means because with effort, you will go somewhere and get something. In this phrase—from my understanding, it tells you to not fully rely on Allah to find your soulmate. Don't get me wrong but what I meant is that you can't expect to find your soulmate if you only wait for it while watching TV at home—your soulmate wouldn't even know of your existence lol. You gotta go out, mingle, get to know people and hopefully stumble upon your right one.
Both of these phrases contradict because one tells you to rely on God but the other (sort of) tells you to not fully rely on Allah.
But, how does these two phrases work with each other? Muslims believe in Qada' (things that cannot be changed i.e, death, Qiyamat, soulmates, etc.) and Qadar (things that can be changed i.e, status, level of faith, etc.). Like I've mentioned earlier, if Allah has written what is meant for us, then there are no means for us to change it. However, in order to find the right one, you have to know and get through a lot of people. And sometimes, when you find the right one, it might be at the wrong time or place. So, you have to put some effort—apart from relying solely on Allah to provide what is best for you—in order to meet that person again, hopefully in the right settings. Another example would be C and D. C is in love with D but never really had the guts to say it to D while D is being oblivious to how C feels towards D. If, let's say, God fated these two together, there will come a time for either C or D, or both perhaps, did something (effort—Qadar) that ended up with those two being together because if it's meant to be by God, then surely it will be (Qada'). Maybe not now, maybe later. I don't know. We don't know.
In Islam, we were taught to rely on Allah despite whatever circumstances but we were also taught to put in effort in what we do. Whatever is the outcome, we have to accept it (Redha) because that is what Allah has planned for us. I remember a teacher of mine back in school taught me the four letters we should always remember. It was:
- D (Du'a)
- U ('Usaha' or effort in English)
- I ('Ikhtiar' or endeavour/initiative)—IDK what 'Ikhtiar' really is in English but this is what Mr. Google said
- T ('Terima' or accept)
What D.U.I.T. means is that we have to put in effort and if all fails, search for another initiative to reach our goal (U and I—lol at this!). At the same time, we must also supplicate, pray and always remember Allah while achieving our goals (D). Then, whatever the results are, we must wholeheartedly accept the decision that Allah has agreed upon (T or also known as Redha).
I deeply apologize if my examples aren't clear enough as I am also learning about how this works out. But basically, just stick on to the idea that if it's meant to be, it is meant to be but it will only be if we do something about it. Just like trying to win a competition. Situation A: If you don't put in effort, then it will not be that you will win first place. Situation B: You put in a lot effort but still didn't grab top spot. Both situations are highly relatable to everyone but we can see the difference it makes. In A, you would obviously do so much to reach your goal but in B, maybe you'll try again next time or in another competition. Same goes like 'jodoh'. Situation A is you putting effort if you want it/found the right one. Situation B is more like if things don't work out, maybe that person is not for you or maybe both of you are not ready.
Please correct me if I'm wrong or feel that there needs to be some addition to this. I am open to your opinions and ideas as I also want to grow my faith as a Muslim to my religion. Feel free to drop a comment!
Have a nice day ♥