July 5, 2014


I recently successfully managed to find my schoolmates from SK Desa Cemerlang (SKDC). YAYY!! Thank goodness I suddenly had the idea to just search them up on any social sites that I have hehe. Buuuuuuut that's not the thing I wanted to write about.

You see, there's a particular reason why I have been searching them for years. And it's not just because I want to re-connect with them. These people have made an impact in my years when I was a student in SKDC. It's both bad and good but most of it, hilarious and I sort of wanted to avenge for the bad things I'd faced.

I went to a kindergarten where the kids are mostly Chinese and only a minority of them are Malays. So, the main language used would be—yes, you know it—English! So, it's because I was taught in that language and I grew up around it, it made me more comfortable communicating in that language. But things changed when I went to primary school. The majority of them were Malay and most of them gave the vibe that they weren't comfortable speaking in English. It's not that i couldn't speak Bahasa Malaysia at all (I could actually! I talked and screamed in Bahasa Malaysia when I was playing with my neighbors) but I was more used to and more comfortable using English. Even if so, I still tried y'know. I made an effort to not be so shocked with the new culture. However, my efforts weren't enough, I guess. I was taunted, hated and discriminated by my Malay peers. A girl even said "Aku benci kau!" (I hate you) to my face—and she miraculously made into my hate list. Nonetheless, there were still some who were really nice to me. Sadly, one of them died in Ramadhan 2013 due to lymphoma. I didn't even had the chance to say hi to her hmm :(

Back to the real story...

I want to avenge my past (uuuuu sounds so evil). I want to know that I've won. I want to know that I am much, much, much more successful than them. I want to know that the pain I felt back then is worth it. I want them to know that thanks to them, I am where I am. But what do I have to prove in the end? What am I proving? It's not just about self satisfaction, I'm trying to prove that bullies would lose by the end of the day and the victims are pure survivors. It's okay for you to be in your lowest times and be weak because it'll give you time to harvest your strengths and let you focus on your goals.

Yes, I may sound very mean in here and you guys would be like, "Apa masalah perempuan ni?", "Creepy dohh dia ni", "Apa si dia nak sebenarnya?" and/or "Tak baik berdendam" but to me, it's good if you do it for a healthy competition and for an avenue for you to improve yourself. I've been doing this since forever but no worries, kita tak makan hati haha. I'll just remember what you did to me and make sure that you would regret for the things you had said/done to me.

Anyways, please don't think I'm a psycho. Maybe the things that I'm expressing aren't signaling off to you in the correct manner, so we might not be on the same page. Nevertheless, I'll remember you if you made an impact in my life.

Have a nice day