TALK BEHIND SOMEONE'S BACK

Photo taken during our trip to North Stradbroke Island, Easter 2018.


Hi.


I haven't posted anything for so long on this blog. *blows dust away**coughs coughs* But hopefully I will soon. A lot has happened since my last post. To simplify it, moved back to KL, got a job, sought for treatment in KL, resigned from job and now back in Brisbane (???) while still looking for a new job. I'm only here for a short vacation, like 2 weeks supposedly, but umm, I've extended it for a week now and might just extend it for another week and make this trip like a month's stay #ripmoney

Three things that have immensely changed ever since I moved back to KL; lifestyle, health and my motivation. I've also had a lot of really low lows and some really high highs. Hint: me going insane and me finally doing things I've wanted to do. But I'll keep that for a later post. I started doing meditation and it has helped reduce my anxiety and get a good night sleep. I've also lost my abs 😭 but that's because of me not working out at all. But I hope I'll include working out in my daily routine after this.

Before I leave, I want to share with you something that has been bringing me down these past few months, and it still gets to me until today. I always overthink about what others will/might think of me. In turn, it brings myself down. Like, really dooooown. But I can't help it because in the environment I was in, people talk about each other behind their backs and they gossip about each other. Oh you know, office gossip. I couldn't trust anyone although initially they said I could. It can be really scary when the thoughts consume me because I'm always assuming stuff and jumping into conclusions, and IDK if it's true or not. What if it's not? Then I'll feel bad for overthinking and for assuming things about everyone. But then, what if it's true? Oh, that's painful. It feels like you got stab in your heart by someone you look up to and someone you thought you could trust. What's worst? When you did something wrong to someone and instead of telling you that you hurt them, they talk about you behind your back and the ostracism slowly starts to feel, and be seen, visible. I am a person who is really scared of confrontation because of the flurry of thoughts that'll come in.


Wait... what was I going to say again? Oh, right.


I appreciate that if you have a problem with me or if I have offended you in anyway, please PLEASE please personally approach me and talk to me about it. I wouldn't know that I offended you with my actions or words if you didn't tell me. And then I'll go about my day thinking everything's fine, while you feel hurt with whatever I did to you unintentionally. That's not a fair way to resolve a problem. That's not a mature way to solve a problem. Perhaps I might take it the wrong way too, but at least by talking about it, both sides have equal chances of clarification and not make anymore assumptions (and also, stop causing hurt 😉). And this is how it relates to the previous paragraph. I'm trying my best to not constantly think that I did something wrong because honestly, you getting pestered with "Are you mad at me?" and me asking you that question every 10 minutes is very irksome on your side, and tiring on mine. Plus, there's no good if you talk about it to everyone else but me. It doesn't solve the problem! So please, come talk to me if you think I'd hurt you. Let me understand so I can avoid anything similar from happening in the future and so that our relationship won't get fractured because of a minor miscommunication. Relationships are very important to me and I would want to try my best to sustain a lifelong relationship with everyone I know. Cheers to better communication! 🎇




Have a nice day



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